Hobbies

#23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.

So, I tried really hard to come up with 5 hobbies. But, honestly, I don't really have time for hobbies. That, and when I do actually have free time, I revert into a hermit and stay indoors relaxing. Now, if you had asked me back in high school, I would have been able to add softball & photography to this list. But  I don't have time for either of those things now. Four hobbies was all I could come up with...

Blogging I love that it gives me an outlet. I love connecting with people across the country, and even around the world, who I would not have otherwise met.

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Thrifting Finding a great deal seriously gives me chills. Taking something old and re-purposing it into something useful is my idea of a good time.

Surfing Pinterest So, I'm not sure if this really constitutes as a "hobby," but it is something I like to do in my free time. Since we currently live in an apartment and can't really do may DIY projects, I like to live vicariously through others on Pinterest. I like to think I'm doing research for our future home.

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Dreaming Again, not sure if this is really a hobby, but it is something both the Hubby and I like to do together. A lot of our conversations revolve around our dreams and future plans. Usually we start talking about money and how much longer it will take us to pay off our debt. Then it transitions into what we want to do as soon as we are out of debt: House first? Family first? Can we afford for me to be a stay-at-home mom? After we talk through all the possibilities, we talk about the things we'd love to have in a future home and the places we'd like to travel.

Animal Instincts

#15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?

Hm.... this is a tough one. There are a bunch of animals that I love....

Pandas....

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Koalas....

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Elephants....

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Dolphins....

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But which one would I want to be? Well, I guess the one animal I would choose is the one animal I know the most about....

...the domestic cat.

Why? Well, for one, all the cat naps. And I wouldn't have a problem with keeping my nails long. And I would forever be entertained by frogs and bugs. Plus, having human parents to love on me is always something to look forward to.

Yep, I think I'd want to be a cat.

If you could be any animal, which would you choose?

Weakness

#13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have. 

Over Planning I can't just do something. I have to plan it all out. Spur of the moment trips or activities give my anxiety. Much to the dismay of my husband who is a little more free-spirited than I am. This is usually my outlook when it comes to planning:

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Health I know I need to eat better. I know I need to work out more. I know I need to take better care of myself. And I'm not sure why, even though I know all of those things, I just can't seem to get motivated and stay motivated. I'll do it for a few days, or even a few weeks, but then I loose steam and give up.

Keeping in Touch In this day and age, what with all the social media and technology, you'd think keeping in touch would be simple. Sure, I know when people start dating or break up. I know when they get engaged, married, or start having babies. I see all the photos from their most recent travels and life events. But sometimes I feel like a cyber stalker. I haven't actually spoken to many of these "friends" in ages, yet I know a lot about their personal lives.

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Negativity I've been told for years that I tend to be very negative. It sometimes hurts my relationships with other people, especially my relationship with my husband. But it's definitely something I've been working on. And I think I'm making some major progress.

Trying New Things This one is true for both food and activities. I'm a creature of habit. So I feel really uncomfortable in new situations. Although I try not to let it show, I can definitely feel the anxiety building inside. And when I do complain and voice my anxieties, the hubby is usually my sounding board (sorry hun!). But I'm also one of the pickiest eaters you'll ever meet. No joke. I could probably count on my fingers and toes the things I eat on a regular basis. This is another one I'm getting better about. My anxiety level when trying new foods isn't as high as it use to be. But its still something I'm working on. 

Dream Job

So, I know I have been dragging this thing on for going on, what? 3 months now.... Who does that? Takes a 30 day challenge and stretches it out for 90? Well, I guess I do, huh? Oh well. I'm going to keep on keeping on until this little challenge is done. I feel like I've started it, and I can't stop now. Sure, I've got a small pile of grading waiting for me on the coffee table. And I'm about 3 days behind on my devotional. But I just needed to take some time away from my daily "stuff" and write a little bit. I'm sure you feel that way sometimes too.

Onto today's question:  #7. What is your dream job, and why?

Well, growing up, I always thought I'd be a teacher. And I've managed to accomplish that. And I'm happy to say that I'm pretty happy with where I'm at in my career. But I've been asking myself lately if I'll enjoy teaching for the rest of my life. Don't get me wrong, I'm loving what I'm doing right now. But sometimes I wonder if I can last 30 years, at which point I'm allowed to retire. Sure, it might be nice to retire at the age of 52. I just don't know if I'll be happy doing what I'm doing for that many years. Plus, I don't know if we'll be financially capable of me retiring that early.

So, this question got me thinking. If I wasn't a teacher anymore, what would I want to be? I tried to follow this diagram when narrowing down my decisions...

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• Photographer - I love taking pictures of events and people that I love. I'm sure with some practice and a lot nicer camera I could be pretty good. But good enough to make a living off of it? And do I really want to spend that much time in front of a computer screen editing? Not to mention, I'm the type of person who likes to stick with her plans, so rain ruining a photo shoot would annoy me to no end.
• Principal - It's the next step after being a teacher, right? I'm just not sure if the even later hours and dealing with legal mumbo jumbo is up my alley.
• School District - I enjoyed going to different workshops this summer and learning about all the new, inventive teaching techniques that are coming down the pipe. I think I could do that full time. But do I really want to be one of those people? (Fellow teachers, I'm sure you're catching my drift on that one...)
• Financial Adviser - Ever since I found out who Dave Ramsey was and his money philosophy, I've been hooked! I want to share that knowledge and system with everyone I know. Sometimes to the point where they're tired of hearing it. But, I don't have a finance or business degree, and I don't really want to go back to school for that, so that one is probably out of the picture.
• Medical Office Manager - This was actually my "plan B" if I couldn't find a teaching job. I don't want to be the CEO or anything, just someone who helps run the place. Maybe even do Human Resources. In my previous job, I was always the one training the new people and I actually enjoyed it. I think if teaching ever fell through, I'd probably still entertain this idea.

All of those are great. Some more realistic than others. But I still don't think I'd be passionate about any of those jobs. Then it hit me....

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Being a mom. A stay at home mom. I could do that. I would love to be able to stay home and raise my kids rather than having a daycare worker or nanny with them the large majority of the day. Please don't take that the wrong way. I was raised by a single mom and went through day care all throughout childhood. And I think I turned out pretty okay. This is something that everyone has an opinion on, and I'm simply sharing mine.

I struggle sometimes with juggling work, being a home maker, and a wife. I think if I lost the work aspect of that puzzle, and replace it with a kid (or the plural form of the word) that I could manage. I'm good at multi-tasking throughout the day. It's when I'm locked into completing certain tasks within certain time frames that I get stuck and struggle. I've babysat my niece and nephew day-in-and-day-out over a summer, and I always managed to get my to-do list finished. This summer, when I was home all day, the house had never been cleaner. But when I was working, all of the housework sat unattended. Don't think I'm naive in thinking that a kid will be easy to juggle. I just think it's more doable for me.

I love to teach. So why not teach my own children? I don't think I'd do homeschooling. Mainly because I think I'd want my children to experience the social aspect of school. But I could teach them throughout their toddler years - to read, write, etc. I always loved working with my niece and nephew on puzzles and reading books. It's something I'd be good at and something I'd love doing. But I wouldn't be getting paid to do it. But you know what, I'm okay with that. As long as we can get by financially, then that's okay with me. But there in lies the problem...

I just don't know if we'll ever be at the point financially where this will even be a serious consideration. Right now if I were to get pregnant, we couldn't afford for me to stay home. Maybe in a couple of years once we've paid off all of our debt? But right now, it's not plausible. But I guess that's why I'm calling it a "dream" job. 

Now it's your turn. What do you want to be when you grow up? Or, if you could switch careers, what do you think you would do?

Favorite Part

I've been working away in my classroom trying to get things organized. I'm also in the process of painting a large map of the United States on one of my classroom walls. My mom is coming into town today to help me (hopefully!) finish the map and get a couple of other things done. If you follow me on Instagram, you've seen a couple of "in progress" shots of the map. I'm hoping to do a full post on my classroom as soon as everything is basically in order.

Tomorrow I officially have to report back to school, even though I've been there all week anyways. And the kiddos come back next Thursday. I'm getting the feeling that I'm going to fail at finishing this whole Thirty Things challenge before school starts, but I'm going to keep on trucking anyways...

#27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?

This is a tough one.... I've always struggled with self esteem and body image. Never took it to the extreme though. I've always thought I was on the heavier side. I wore larger clothing than all of my friends. I was always the "big girl" in the softball team pictures. It's so funny though. I look back on pictures of me from high school and wonder why I ever thought so poorly about myself back then. I wasn't big. I wasn't fat. I was average. I was normal. A healthy average/normal.

But back to the question. Favorite body part? My first instinct was to say my mouth. Sometimes (and this is a little embarrassing to admit) when I'm talking on the phone with someone, I'll sit/stand in front of a mirror and just watch my mouth move. I find it interesting to watch how the mouth forms to make certain sounds and noises. I wonder if I was a speech pathologist in a past life.

But when I thought about it more, I realized my favorite part of my body is my feet.

Yep. My feet. People always laugh at my feet. I have a habit of wiggling them without realizing it. The other night we had friends over to watch the opening ceremony of the Olympics. I looked over, and my friend was waving. At first I thought she was waving at her son, but then I realized he'd gone to sleep already. She was waving at my foot, which seemed to be waving back! It's gotten to the point where my husband and our friends have started videotaping my feet without me knowing it to show me the crazy movements they make.

Because people pay so much attention to my feet, I've started to take really good care of them. Even though I rarely go for pedicures (I've only been 3 times in my life), I still make a point to keep my nails looking nice and polished. And if they don't look that way? Well, I trade in my typical flip flops (I do live in Florida after all) for close-toed shoes.

I've learned to love my crazy, wiggling, waving feet. Tiny nails and all! What is your favorite part of your body?

Greatness

17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?

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I really wish I was artistic. I feel like the things I try to create are never "good enough." I haven't taken an art class since elementary school, so maybe that has something to do with it - maybe my skills are just rusty. Or maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel better about my lack of artistic ability.

If you want something abstract, like a finger painting, then I'm your girl. But if you ask me to draw and/or paint something specific... there is a high probability that it won't look anything remotely close to the original.

When I draw on the board for my students, I forewarn them about my drawing skills, and tell them they aren't allowed to make fun of me. I usually draw stick figures. I think my favorite classroom drawing is when I show them how Germany was split up after WWII. My Germany is perfectly round.

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See? Germany looks exactly like a circle. You see it, right? Yeah, I don't either. But it gets the point across in class. And because it is so unlike the actual map, my students actually remember how Germany was divided. A couple of my AP kids actually asked me to use my "map" to sign their yearbooks 2 years ago. Yep. My students are awesome!

If I could choose one thing to be better at, I think I'd love to be a better artist. Or at least to be someone that believes more in their capabilities. Maybe that's it... Maybe what I really wish I was great at was believing in myself.

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What do you wish you were great at?

Flashback

This week I'm back in the classroom getting things ready for the upcoming school year. Officially, I don't have to be back until Thursday, but I've got a ton of things to get done, so I'm heading back early to hopefully get a decent head start. The kiddos will be back next Thursday, and my fingers are crossed that I'll have everything done that I need to before they return.

Anyhoo, I was browsing through some of our old photos that are stored on our computer and came across this one from 2005....

Yep, that's the Hubby and me at our Senior Homecoming Dance. Don't ask me why I chose to wear orange. Honestly, I grabbed the dress as a joke to make my mom freak out. But when I walked out of the dressing room, we both loved it!

Although I was technically 17 at the time this picture was taken, I thought I'd go ahead and take the time to answer yet another Thirty Things question:

#4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.

Seemed fitting, right? I should probably mention that Dan and I weren't dating until our senior year. We had only just met each other in junior year, when I was 16. So here it goes...

1. Try to find a sport or activity that you love to do. Since you're not playing softball anymore, you're not going to want to be as active, and later it's going to bite you in the butt.
2. Quit worrying about your weight. You are healthy and beautiful.
3. Remember how you told mom that you didn't care what kind of car she got you for your first car as long as it wasn't a "puzzle" car? (Basically a car that's been through a wreck and has "new" parts in multiple colors.) Well, she didn't get you a puzzle car. But, she got you a purple tank.
4. Pay attention in your history class! It's going to come in handy a few years down the road, both in college and in your career.
5. You know that guy in your History class? The one that you talk to outside while waiting for Mr. Russell to come back from the bathroom? Yeah, him. This time next year you'll be dating him. And you two will eventually get married. Sure, there will be a time or two when things will seem impossible and the two of you have to walk away from each other for a little while, but you'll find your way back.
6. When you go prom dress shopping with Granny next year, you're going to get frustrated with her. She's going to get on your last nerve. You'll have a near breakdown in the changing room. But savor every moment of it and try to make the best of it. Trust me. You're going to look back on this day when you're trying on your wedding dress.
7. Quit making fun of mom for not remembering French or Math. You're not going to remember them eitehr once you're out of high school. And you're future students will remind you of that fact - quite often.
8. Start saving money now! Google 'Dave Ramsey' and listen to what he has to say. It will save you from paying "stupid tax" later on in life.
9. Stop taking so many pictures of everyone else, and get in front of the camera. You're going to regret not having your own memories of high school.
10. Try new foods. Trust me, I know how hard it is. But the sooner you start trying new things, the sooner you'll learn to expand your taste buds.

I think this sums it up pretty well...

It's crazy to think that I'll be turning 24 this Saturday! Although at times I wish I could go back and change certain things about my life, I know that ultimately, I'm happy with where I've ended up. That's not to say that there aren't things that I could and wish I could improve on, but overall I think I've been pretty blessed.


So now it's your turn. If you could go back in time, what would you tell your sixteen year old self?

Scary

#2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

So I almost didn't write this post. I honestly thought about lying and telling you I was afraid of things like spiders and snakes. But I realize that that isn't the point of this challenge. The point is to open up and be a little more transparent. I think too that so many bloggers only post the "pretty" stuff online, and sometimes you have to post the "real" stuff too. So here it goes...

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Death

I think it's common for people to worry about death. And a part of me thinks it's a healthy thing because it makes you cherish the time that you have and not take things for granted. But its not just my own death that I fear. I also fear the death of my loved ones. Even the death of my cats. The idea of them being in pain and then me being alone... I try not to dwell on it, but sometimes those thoughts creep in. I think this fear started to manifest itself more because of all the crime solving shows I watch.

Falling

Compared to the first fear, this one seems silly. But I seriously hate the feeling of falling. Falling dreams are my nightmares. Even being threatened by the hubby to be thrown off the bed or couch sets off my anxiety about falling - and that's only a couple of feet. I'm pretty sure it all started in 2nd grade on a family trip to Disney. My older cousin convinced his mom (my aunt) and me to go on Tower of Terror. He told us it was a haunted house. I believed him. Needless to say, because of that experience, I refuse to go on rides that I can't see without some major convincing. It's because of that ride that I hate the feeling of falling. 

Being a Parent

Being responsible for the life of someone else is a big deal. Even though I'm an aunt to many kids, I teach teenagers, and my friends are all starting to have kids, I still don't think it has totally prepared me to be a mom. It's one thing to take care of them and be able to return them to their parents at the end of the day or weekend, but when they're your own kids, you can't do that. They are there to stay. I think I'm also afraid of the unknown world of pregnancy. Sure I've read a ton, and I've heard many stories from friends and family, but I know its just one of those things you have to experience in order to fully undertand it. Dan and I have talked about starting a family in the near future, so I'm sure the more we talk, the more nervous I'll be until it actually happens.

What are you afraid of?

Accomplished

#16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?

1. Taking 3 AP classes in one school year and surviving. I watch my students struggle with just one AP class, and I realize what I managed to do as a high school senior was no small task.

 

2. Graduating from college. I'm the only person in my family who has a 4 year degree. My mom has a 2 year degree. My dad served in the Navy for a few years and eventually went to community college, but never finished. Only one of my siblings went to junior college, but dropped out with one semester left.

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3. Graduating from college debt free.I didn't realize how big of a deal it was until afterwards when I started to hear about high school friends dealing with student loans. I realized it was an even bigger deal once I had to start helping the hubby pay off his student loans. How did I do it? Well, I qualified for a Bright Futures scholorship which would pay 75% tuition at the university level. My first year at community college, the scholarship decided to pay 100% tutition for community colleges, since their cost was roughly 75% that of university rates. The entire time I was in college, I worked 25-40 hours a week at a medical office. My paychecks went directly to textbooks. By the time I was at UCF, I could afford to pay the remaining 25% out of pocket. My parents made a deal with me that if I would pay my tutition my last two years, they would buy my textbooks. Scholarships, parents, and hard work. Graduating debt free is possible.

 

4. Moving out of my parents' house and living on my own for a year. Honestly, growing up, I never thought it was possible. I watched my siblings move out and struggle to pay their bills every month. Sometimes they would even have to borrow money from our parents to get by. All of my siblings, at some point, would be forced to move back in with our parents. I always told myself that whenever I moved out, it would be for good. Being able to live by myself, without a roommate, and managing to live rather comfortably... I'm pretty proud of myself.

5. Marrying my high school sweetheart. When we first started dating, I was doubtful that we would get married. Sure, I dreamed about it. But there was always that voice inside my head that reminded me that high school sweethearts rarely make it in the end. 6 years later, we became Mr. & Mrs.

What do you feel some of your greatest accomplishments are?

Predicting the Future

Okay, so I know I've been slacking. But I promise, one of these days I'll finish this challenge!

#22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?

I figured for each year, I would give you the actual year (to help make you feel old), how old the hubby and I will both be (to help make us feel old), and some of the things we hope to accomplish by that time. 

 

5 Years From Now.....

The year will be 2017. I'll be 28 years old, and Dan will be 29. We'll be celebrating 12 years together, and 6 years of marriage.

• Debt free (everything except the house)
• Living in/owning our first house
• Hubby will have finished paramedic school
• First baby born, maybe number 2 (or even 3) on the way
• Not sure if I'll be a stay at home mom or still working in the classroom
• HAPPY!

10 Years From Now....

The year will be 2022. I'll be 33 years old, and Dan will be 34. We'll be celebrating 17 years together, and 12 years of marriage.

• Raising our 2-3 children
• House paid off
• Maybe upgrade to a bigger/better house and rent out previous house
• Graduating with my master's degree
• HAPPY!

15 Years From Now.....

The year will be 2027. I'll be 38 years old, and Dan will be 39. We'll be celebrating 22 years together, and 17 years of marriage.

• Teaching our oldest child how to drive
• Deciding if teaching is what I want to do until I retire, or if I want to seek a new career path
• Now that we're debt free and had some years to save, perhaps we'll start to travel more and hit up some places on our travel bucket list.
• HAPPY!

I really have no idea what the future holds for us. Sure, I can dream. But I also know that God has his own plan, and sometimes my plans aren't the same as His. So, even though I love to dream about what the future looks like, I know that regardless of what it actually turns out to be, we'll both be HAPPY!
So, if you look into your crystal ball, what do you see in your future?

Super Power

I thought it would be nice to start this week with a fun question from the challenge:

#21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?

Immediately I thought about the stereotypical super powers: flying, xray vision, super strength. But then I thought those were too boring...too typical. I wanted something different. And something useful. Plus, I like the idea of having a super power that wouldn't have to necessarily hide from people.

So, I decided to look it "list of super powers" online. Realized there are a whole lot more super powers out there that I never considered. Having the ability to stretch? Would make a lot of things easier. The ability to heal myself, like Wolverine? That'd be pretty cool. Or what about being able to breath under water? Sort of like Harry Potter in the 4th book/movie. Would definitely save us a ton of money on getting scuba lessons.

As cool as all of those sound, I narrowed down my choice to omni-linguism. What is that? Well, it would give me the ability to understand any form of language; basically a natural polyglot.

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In comparison to the other super powers, this one doesn't sound as impressive. But I'll tell you what, this ability would make many teachers envious! I have many students who speak Spanish, and I have no idea what they are saying. My first year teaching I had a foreign exchange student from Germany who struggled with English. By having the ability to communicate with them, or at least understand them, it would help me help them.

Besides omni-linguism helping me in my job, I think the coolest feature about it would be the fact that I would know if people were talking about me in their native tongue. Come on, you've been there. I'll give you one of many possible examples. You're getting your nails done, and the ladies who are doing your nails are talking in their native lanuage. You immediately think they are talking about you. I can't be the only one who has every thought or felt this way. Please tell me I'm not alone! Even if the super power wouldn't give me the ability to communicate with them in their native language, it would give me the ability to understand them.

What about you? If you could choose, which super power would you go with?

Pet Peeves

Up next on the Thirty Things challenge...

#11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.

So, I started writing my list, and I couldn't come up with a full list. So, I googled a list online, and let me tell you, some of the things listed had me laughing. I'm definitely guilty of doing many things that are on that list. Anyways, I combined my list with some of my favorites from the online list, and I came up with 15 that I couldn't narrow down.

1. Having to push twenty million buttons before getting a live person on the phone.
2. When my insurance company thinks that they are my doctor.
3. People who don't wash their hands after using the bathroom.
4. When people use butter on their toast, and leave little crumbs in the butter container.
5. Guys who leave the toilet seat up.
6. When people don't pick their feet up when they walk.
7. Drivers who don't use a turn signal.
8. Cars that come up behind you on the interstate and flash their lights because they want to you move.
9. People who drive with their brights on while another car is coming from the opposite direction.
10. People who don't pick up after their dog has "done it's business" in a public area.
11. Women who wear too much perfume. Same with men and colonge.
12. Finding a really cute piece of clothing in every size, but yours.
13. When public restrooms don't have a trash can near the door. Especially if it's a door you have to pull to open.
14. People who mumble. Then you ask them to speak up or clarify, and they say, "nothing."
15. Telemarketers. Need I say more?

What is your biggest pet peeve?

Thirty Things Update

I've officially made it a third of the way through the Thirty Things challenge. Only 20 more to go! But, considering I've only done 10 in one month, I need to kick it up into high gear if I'm hoping to have this challenge done by the time school starts in August.

Here's what I've managed to complete so far....

      1. List 20 random factsabout yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

I'll be back in a little while with another challenge post. But, in the mean time, anyone else completing this challenge? Leave a link to your blog in the comment section - I'd love to follow along!

Family Dynamic

As promised, and in keeping with the family theme, I'm back with yet another Thirty Things post. Rather than focusing on the parents, this time we're focusing on the whole entire family.

#24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.

Before we dive into the question, let me introduce you to my family....

First we have my Dad's side of the family. From left to right, you have my little brother, my dad, and then me. On the far right is my half-sister (from my dad's first marriage) and her two boys. Although she's my half-sister, I've always considered her a "full" sister because she's always been in my life.

And then we have the rest of the family. Well, sort of. My mom and stepdad weren't included in this picture. But, you'll recognize me (of course!), my brother, half-sister, and her two kids from the first picture. On the left is my stepsister and one of my stepbrothers (my other stepbrother and his four kids couldn't make it to the wedding). And scattered amongst everyone are their children. I should probably point out that my little brother does not have any kids of his own; he's holding my stepbrother's youngest.

Now that you've been familiarized with my crazy blended family, I think it's time to address the original question about how our family dynamic has changed over time. Because I can only speak for myself, I'll be describing the dynamic as I saw it and as it applied to me. I'm sure my siblings and parents might describe it differently than I do, but that's okay.

Then....

• I played the middle man a lot between my mom and dad. Planning visitations. Relaying messages from one to the other. Trying to maintain a happy balance between Dad and Paul.
• There was always lots of jealousy and arguing amongst my parents. Jealousy between Dad and Paul on many different levels. And of course, any time you have blended families, there's going to be differences in opinions on how children should be raised. Thus the arguing.
• My brother and I got along as well as anyone would expect from a brother and sister. Me being the oldest, I always tried to "mommy" him and take care of him. Some might even say I tried to boss him around. Who am I kidding? I bossed him around. He of course liked to do the opposite of everything I told him. But again, what else would you expect?
• My half-sister and I have always gotten along fairly well. There is a 6 year age gap between the two of us. But that never really seemed to matter. We didn't spend a whole lot of time growing up together - she always lived with her mom or our grandparents. But, whenever we spent the summers and holidays with Dad, we'd always spend time with her too. She was definitely a role model to me when I was younger.
• My step siblings and I didn't get a long well at all. There was a lot of "them vs. us" in our family. My brother and I have always lived with my mom (and stepdad when he eventually moved in), but our step siblings came and went between Paul and their mother. So there was never a constant living arrangement. So, every time a new stepsibling came into the picture, things would be turned upside down. I think part of the problem also lied in the fact that there was such an age gap between us (there is an 8 year difference between myself and my stepsister, who is the youngest amongst her biological siblings). Granted there was an age gap between my half-sister and I, but the big difference is that she was always a part of my life - my stepsiblings really didn't enter the picture until I was maybe 10 years old.

Now...

• I don't have to play middle man between my parents anymore. They're actually relatively civil now to one another when they have to talk. Granted, now that all of us kids are older, there is rarely an occasion where they need to talk. But, for my wedding everything was very cordial. And even now when dealing with my little brother's living situation, my parents have been able to handle things like adults.
• My mom and I get a long better now that we don't have all the family drama in the way. For the most part my mom and I were always on the same side and of the same opinion. However, drama tends to put strain on any relationship.
• My brother and I are civil to one another. He's done a lot of things in the past that has led to a lack of trust. I'm trying to look past all of it and let him grow up and right his wrongs, but its really hard to trust him again. The older he's gotten, the worse his temper has gotten, and it's simply just too hard to talk to him anymore.
• The relationship between my half-sister and I has remained relatively the same. She made some bad decisions in her past as well, but she's learned from them and has rebuilt her life. I'm so proud of the way her life has turned out and the mother she has become to her two boys.
• I get along really well with my step sister. She and I can hang out and do things together without arguing anymore. I feel like we've both grown up and moved past all of the childish things we use to argue about. I just wish we had done that a lot sooner; I feel like we missed a lot growing up hating each other.
• My two step brothers on the other hand.... I don't talk to them. Period. For many reasons. Too many to get into. One brother lives in California, so I don't really have to talk to him or see him very often. The other one that lives locally - I only see him if we're having some sort of family function at my parents. and even then, I'm civil and I try to avoid talking to him or his family. He's done and said a lot of insulting things over the years and has never apologized. I try not to hold a grudge against him. But, I've resolved that I'm not going to put myself in a position to be insulted or hurt again.

Source: someecards.com via Sarah on Pinterest

Well, there you have it. An in depth look into my family. Rereading everything, it's probably more than I really should share over the internet. But, I don't want to pretend like I came from some sort of perfect family. I felt like this was one of those posts where "keeping it real" was better than giving you some "prettied up" version.

So forgive me if this is getting too personal, but what is your family like? Do you get along better now than you did years ago? Or do you wish things would go back to how they use to be? Or maybe you came from a Leave It To Beaver family? It's okay, sometimes I like to pretend like I did too. :)

Parental Relations

So, there hasn't been a lot going on around here lately. I've got two straight weeks of summer vacation where I don't have any obligations to workshops or conferences. Cleaning the apartment has been on the top of my to-do list. And I'm sure you don't want to hear about my adventures with laundry. So, I figured I'd continue on with another Thirty Things post. Today's topic:

#3. Describe your relationship with your parents.

I think all of us have unique relationships with our parents. But, we all go through the same phases in life: As infants, we rely on our parents for everything. As children, we're looking for ways to become more independent. As we become teenagers, we think we're right about everything, our parents are out to make our lives miserable, and we rely more on our peers for advice. Then we become adults and realize that maybe our parents aren't that bad after all, and that they we're only doing what they felt was best for us. Taking all of that into consideration, I figured I'd skip over most of the "growing up" phases and jump right into present day.

But first, I should probably let you know that my parents divorced when I was in first grade. I was maybe 6 years old? Can't really remember anymore. My Dad never remarried. My Mom dated a man named Paul for many, many years after the divorce. They finally got married when I was a freshman in high school. Because it took so long for them to get married, my brother and I never learned to call him "dad" or any other form of the word. He was simply "Paul." And that was by his choice; he always said that we already have a Daddy and he didn't want to take that away from him. And his kids call my mom "Nancy" rather than some form of "mom" for the same reason.

Now that you have some background...

My Dad

I would describe my relationship with my Dad as distant, mainly due to miles. Right after the divorce, my brother and I would get to see Dad every other weekend. But, he eventually moved back to Georgia to be closer to his side of the family, which meant we didn't get to see him as often. I think because of this, we have always had a somewhat superficial relationship. 

I worry about him. Mainly about his health. And I worry about his financial status. Sometimes I wish there was more that I could do to help him. But it's hard when we live 5 hours apart from each other, and I know can only do so much. It still doesn't stop me from feeling guilty though. It doesn't stop me from feeling like I'm not doing enough.

He lives in a place where cell phone reception is nonexistent, so we don't get to talk often. He's usually the one who calls first. It never seems like we get to the "deeper" or "bigger" issues in our conversations because we're so busy catching up on the day-to-day stuff that happened since the last time we talked. But, he asks a lot of questions about what is going on in my life and in the hubby's life, which really shows that he cares.

My Mom & Paul

Of my three parents, I'm probably the closest to my mom. It's probably because of the whole mother-daughter relationship thing. But I think it more has to do with the fact that I always respected my mom for everything she did (and continues to do) for my brother and I. 

Recently I asked if she was experiencing "empty nest syndrome" since I was the last kid to move out. She said no, except for when she gets in a mood to go shopping and she doesn't have anyone to go with her. But considering the fact that I call her all the time, it's as though I'm not that far from home. I probably call her two or three times a week. Sometimes for something specific. But usually for no reason at all.

I would describe my relationship with my stepdad as strained. Only recently has it gotten better. We argued a lot. Sometimes it was my fault. Sometimes it was his. Sometimes I don't know what even started the arguments. We don't agree on many things. But now I've learned to accept it, smile and nod, or walk away. Growing up, though, my stubborness got the better of me the majority of the time. I think moving out and living on my own has been the best thing for our relationship. It's given me the ability to look at him from a different point of view.

Continuing with the family theme, I'll be back tomorrow with more of an inside look into our family dynamic and how it has changed over time. But, in the meantime, let's talk about your family. Do you get along with your parents better now that you're older? Or have you always had a great relationship with them?

Popular Notion

#26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?

There were many notions that came to mind when I read this question. But, I think there one that has recently become so popular that it's worth addressing:

Life owes me something. I am entitled to ____________.

I'm sorry folks. But life doesn't owe you anything. People don't owe you anything. Sure, you are entitled. Entitled to work hard for what you want in life. However, you are not entitled to a job. You are not entitled to a house. You are not entitled to a monthly check from the government. You are not entitled to an iPad or a computer. You are not entitled to a fancy car. You are not entitled to a college education. If you want these things in life, you need to make them happen. Don't just wait for life to be handed to you. Because while you wait, someone else in the world just took what you were looking for.

I could go on and on about this popular notion and how society has it all wrong. However, to continue would lead to me rambling on and on about a problem I'm not quite sure how to go about fixing. So, I'll just stop here. You can thank me later.

But, I will leave you with this: While roaming around online, I came across this article about how giving children an allowance may be aiding in the entitlement effect. Interesting read. Won't say I agree 100% with everything in the article. Just some food for thought.